Hello is Always Better than Good-bye
by God'srider
Summary: Kensi has a dream that forces her to realize Deeks won't always be hers, unless she makes a decision.


**A story that came to mind while listening to this Carrie Underwood song. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

_Sometimes you have to let go_

_I heard you laughing in a crowd outside a restaurant we used to go to_

_I caught a glimpse that stopped me in my tracks_

_It took me back_

_You looked happy with that little girl up on your shoulders, happy_

_I know where she got those crystal eyes of blue_

_Time's been sweet to you_

_[Chorus:]_

_As bad as it was, as bad as it hurt_

_I thank God I didn't get what I thought that I deserved_

_Sometimes life leads you down a different road_

_When you're holding on to someone that you gotta let go_

_Someday you'll see the reason why_

_Sometimes, yeah, sometimes, there's good in goodbye_

_I don't regret it_

_The time we had together_

_I won't forget it_

_But we both ended up where we belong_

_I guess goodbye made us strong_

_And yeah I'm happy_

_I found somebody too who makes me happy_

_And I knew one day I'll see you on the street_

_And it'd be bittersweet_

"Hey, Kens, wanna grab a beer tonight?" Deeks smiled over his bag to his partner offering what he had offered on multiple occasions.

Kensi just rolled her eyes, "Didn't what's her name ask you out tonight?"

Pausing as he straightened some paperwork, Deeks answered, "Cindy? Yeah, but if you wanna hang out…"

"Go with Cindy, Deeks," she raised her eyebrows at him and added in a low voice, "I think I will just drink a beer in a bubble bath."

Deeks' mouth dropped open slightly and he cleared his throat, "Are you sure I should go with Cindy? I mean I could join you."

Smirking mischievously, Kensi walked toward the door, "See you Monday, Shaggy."

Soaking up to her neck in hot bubbly water, Kensi leaned her head against the ledge of the tub and took a draft from her beer. She gave a light shake of her head remembering her last interaction with Deeks. Why did she insist on pushing him away? For goodness sake, Kensi was very attracted to Deeks and in more than just a physical way. Her heart longed to spend time with him and she had wanted to say yes to a beer, but those were not the words that came out of her mouth.

Saying yes to Deeks would be taking their thing to a different level. It would open her heart to him even more than it already was. It would cause her feelings for him to grow and intensify. It would allow the possibility of heartbreak. It would force her to come to terms with the gravity of the feelings she did have for him. It would force her to be vulnerable and admit that Deeks was the only man she truly trusted. It would break her heart if he didn't feel the same for her as she did for him. So she had reminded him about the cute little waitress that had flirted with him when they had been chasing a lead.

Kensi's eyes fluttered closed. She was so stupid. Instead of saying yes, she had turned his attention to a beautiful, kind woman. And now she was jealous.

Her mind started wondering what Deeks and Cindy were doing tonight. Finishing her beer, she gave a final shake of her head. It didn't matter. Kensi would see Deeks Monday and they would flirt as always. She would pretend to be disgusted by him, while secretly wanting to take his hand in hers. He would compliment her in a not-so subtle way and her entire chest would heat up. Who cares what he and Cindy were doing? He would still be hers on Monday and she would be with him every weekday as normal.

Kensi laughed lightly tipping her head back and enjoying the crisp evening air. Glancing across the street, she looked at the various storefronts with a smile still on her lips. She heard the joyous giggle of a little girl and looked for the source of such innocence. Immediately, she saw a little girl with wild blonde curls frizzing around her heart-shaped face on her dad's shoulders Then she caught a glimpse of the girl's perfect blue eyes and her heart stopped in her chest.

She would know those eyes anywhere. Her eyes sought the face of the little girl's dad and a searing pain spread through her heart. Time seemed to stand still as she noticed the beautiful blonde holding the dad's hand. The mother and daughter laughed about something the father said and he smiled adoringly at his bride.

Kensi swallowed hard against a lump in her throat. Until that moment, she had convinced herself that she was happy with her life. She was happy with Brendan and she had made good friends. She was happy without him, without Deeks. But in that moment, she was struck with the reality that she had just forced herself to bury the pain of losing him and forget the memories they shared.

She had thought she would always have him, how naive she had been. Tears pressed against her eyes and she felt her heart shattering as she watched Deeks and Cindy strolling happily down the street with their adorable little girl.

Sitting straight up in bed, Kensi rubbed her hands over face stilling when she realized they were wet with tears. It had only been a dream, yet it had seemed so incredibly real. Every emotion and detail remained vivid in her mind. The tears continued to trail down her cheeks and understanding settled over her.

Deeks would not always be hers. How long did she think she could keep stringing him along? How long would he be content to wait for her. She continuously returned his banter and flirted shamelessly with him, but when it came down to it she would not commit because that would mean being vulnerable and trusting and risking their friendship. He was her best friend, but how long before a woman worthy of his love replaced her as Deeks' best friend?

Breathing heavily, Kensi realized how much she took him for granted. What if he wouldn't be hers on Monday? What if by Monday he would be someone else's, Cindy's? Or what if he passed up the possibility of a happily ever after to wait for her? Kensi could be ruining his life all because she couldn't be honest and make a commitment. He deserved someone better. And she needed to let him go.

She needed to tell him now. Flipping the covers back, Kensi swung her legs to the side of the bed and grabbed her phone. She texted him to see if he was still with Cindy, 'Have fun w/ Cindy, but don't be stupid."

Seconds later, her phone trilled with his response, 'Monty & I decided we didn't want company tonight.'

Kensi sighed, she was ruining his life, 'So what r u doing?'

Again he answered quickly, 'Watching a movie. R u ok?'

'Fine. Meet me at the beach in 20?' Kensi held her breath waiting.

'Uh, sure. under Pier?'

Smirking Kensi texted, 'Yes,' and slipped her jogging clothes on. He didn't even question her reasoning, just agreed to meet her under a pier at two in the morning. This letting go thing was going to be harder than she expected.

Kensi pulled on her running shoes and locked her apartment behind her. Nerves twisted her tummy and her mouth was dry in anticipation of what she would tell Deeks. Straining every muscle, Kensi ran making it in record time. Once at the pier, she touched her toes and took deep breaths. Not only, was the stretching to ease her taut muscles, but to help her relax. Leaning on a sturdy beam beneath the pier, Kensi tried to capture her thoughts and mentally prepare for what was coming.

Less than five minutes after Kensi arrived, she heard an excited bark and saw Monty bounding toward her. She smiled at him and took a step toward him just as he began licking her hand and whining happily. Her heart stuttered as she caught sight of Deeks sauntering behind his mutt with an easy going smile on his face and his hair flopping in the breeze. What was she doing?

Monty gave Kensi's hand one final lick before wandering off to follow scents crisscrossing along the sandy beach. She followed Monty with her eyes, not wanting to acknowledge that Deeks was there because then she would have to tell him why he was there.

Relaxing against a beam, Deeks looked curiously at her, his ever present smirk touching on his lips, but concern showed in his eyes. He watched his partner ignore him trying not to laugh at how cute she was when something was bothering her. His mind spun with the hundreds of possibilities and he tried not jump to the worst conclusions. Although he was curious and obviously concerned, Deeks would not push her, he could be patient.

Finally, Kensi glanced over at her partner and immediately wished she hadn't. The moon shown through the slats of the pier above them and cast light across his face making his eyes seem even bluer in contrast to the dark surroundings. Once her gaze met his, there was no looking away so she took a breath and started, "Hi, Deeks."

"Hey, Kensi," Deeks smirk widened ever so slightly and he shoved a hand in his pocket.

"Thank you for meeting me," Kensi already felt an ache growing in her chest from the loss of her best friend, but it was inevitable and only fair for him. "I bet you're wondering why we are here at two in the morning."

Deeks shrugged, "I figure you'll tell me if I need to know, but it doesn't really matter."

A pang resounded through her, he was so sweet. Kensi tightened her ponytail, "As you know, I'm not very good at the whole sharing my feelings thing so you will have to bear with me."

His face became more serious and his eyes turned a shade darker as he nodded his head, "Of course."

"I'm not exactly sure how to say this, but I need to before…" Kensi worked past the lump in her throat, "just before. Since I have been abandoned at some point by everyone that is important in my life, I have trust issues obviously and that leads to commitment issues."

Remaining inexpressive, Deeks listened not at all sure where this was going, but positive it was important and possibly pivotal.

Kensi tucked her bangs behind her ear and took a tiny step closer to Deeks, "I realized tonight that I take you for granted and I'm sorry. Things won't always stay the same and you won't always be there, you can't…"

Deeks stood up straighter and began to protest, but Kensi held up a hand, "Wait, I know you would be, but I don't want you to be." Her voice broke slightly and her eyes shined with unshed tears, "Because I can't commit and you deserve better. You could have a happy family with a woman, who loves you and can commit to you for a lifetime. You could have a daughter." Her words caught and almost imperceptible sob escaped her at the same time the tears started trailing down her cheeks.

Not able to stand the distance between them any longer, Deeks took the final two steps to her and took her hand in his, "Kens, what are you talking about?"

"You deserve a family and I have seen the way lots of women look at you. They know you would make a great husband and father. Any girl would be lucky to have you and…" Kensi choked on another sob. This was much harder than she had anticipated. It felt like her heart was physically shattering inside her chest.

"Hey," Deeks put a finger to her lips and brushed at a tear with his fingers, "I don't want any girl."

Kensi squeezed her eyes closed, oh my gosh, she loved him so much. But she couldn't give him what he deserved so she had to make him see, "Marty," she paused she never called him Marty, "you are the best man I have ever known and you are my best friend, but it can't stay like that forever. I can't let it."

Deeks frowned, he was really trying to follow, but he felt very confused, "Kensi, you are my best friend too. It can stay like that forever."

She shook her head and opened her eyes to look at him, "It can't. Because I am holding you back. I can't be selfish and keep you hanging on a string, while all the Cindys in your life walk away. I am wasting your time. I can't keep ruining your life. You don't deserve that."

"You aren't holding me back. I don't want any of the Cindys in my life," Deeks rubbed his palm softly up and down her arm, "You wanna tell me where this is coming from?"

Kensi sighed trying to stop the tears and then she was just blurting the words, "I was thinking about why I said no tonight, when I really did want to go with you to get a beer. I fell asleep and I had this dream that it was years later and I was sitting at a cafe and felt happy. I saw this adorable little blonde girl on her dad's shoulders and she was giggling. Then I saw that you were the dad and Cindy was your wife and her and your daughter were laughing at something you had said. You were all so happy together. In the dream I was married to another guy and thought I was happy too until I saw you and realized that even though I had forced myself to forget you, I still loved you. But I was happy for you because I never could have given you that happy ever-after that you so desperately deserve," she took a breath and realized telling him everything felt somehow releasing, "When I woke up, I knew I had to tell you that I will let you go because you deserve your happy ending and I don't want to ruin it for you. So now we are standing under a pier."

Deeks' hand stilled on her arm and his other hand dropped to her collar bone to rest. He played absent-mindedly with a stray lock of hair and looked deeply into her rich eyes, "Kensi, do you love me now?" He held his breath hoping, praying the answer was yes.

It felt like time stood still in those few seconds. Kensi's thoughts raced through her head, all the reasons she should say no, the reality that the answer was yes, and what it meant that Deeks asked that question after everything she had just told him. Then a decision settled over her, this was her partner, the man she trusted more than anyone, the man she had just spilled her thoughts to. Returning his steady gaze, Kensi breathed, "Yes."

A slow smile spread over Deeks' face and he searched Kensi's eyes, "Then I will get my happy ending because I love you too, Princess, and I will wait for as long as you need me too."

A fresh wave of tears rolled down her cheeks, but these were not of pain or loss, they were tears of hope and love. Kensi could not even comprehend what had just happened, "But we are just partners?"

"Keep telling yourself that Fern," Deeks teased lightly and stroked her jaw with his thumb.

"What do you mean you will get your happy ending?" Kensi frowned not wanting to jump to any conclusions that would later dash her heart to pieces.

Deeks smirked at her confidently, "Parts of your dream sounded great to me for the future except I want you to be next to me, not Cindy. I know you haven't been ready to commit, but I will wait until you are because you, Princess are my happy ending."

Kensi smiled back at him, "And you're my dream, Marty Deeks." Deeks' grin widened and he stepped closer to her causing them to touch. His thumb on her jaw continued to stroke back and forth, but his other hand moved from her arm to her hip securing her gently against him. Watching her brown eyes softened from tears and emotions, Deeks dipped his head down until it was directly over hers.

A mere millimeter seemed the only space between them and their breath mingled together. Kensi's eyelashes nearly brushed his cheek as her eyes fluttered closed. Touching his lips ever so softly to hers, Deeks let his eyes slip closed as well before he deepened the kiss. Kensi hooked one hand on his belt loop securing them together and letting the other brush the wild hair at the nape of his neck. His hand slid from her jaw to slip into her hair and he wove his fingers into her ponytail holding her head close to his. She tilted her head further into his hand and kissed him back.

Deciding that air was becoming necessary, Deeks pulled back and rested his forehead against hers sliding his hand from her hip to circle around her back and hold her close.

Breathing heavily, Kensi searched his stormy blue eyes. Freezing, Kensi's eyes widened with realization, "You don't have to wait for me."

Deeks let out a frustrated sigh, "Kens, I just told you that I want to wait for you and then I kissed you like…"

Putting a finger to his lips as he had once done to her, Kensi interrupted, "I mean I'm ready now. For commitment and a relationship and us. I trust you more than anyone, you are my best friend, and I love you. Why keep waiting?"

Understanding dawned on Deeks' face, "Are you sure? I don't want to force you into anything."

"I'm scared, but I'm sure because you will be there with me," Kensi twisted one of his curls around her finger.

"Yes, I will," Deeks smiled and pulled her into him for a hug, "I have never been so happy to be standing on the beach at such an early hour."

Kensi returned his smile, "Me neither, but let's not make a habit of it."

Deeks cleared his throat, "So how often exactly, do you dream about me?"

Swatting at his arm, Kensi giggled, "None of your business. But speaking of dreams, I need sleep."

"I think it is my business, but keep your dirty dreams to yourself," Deeks whistled for Monty, who was sleeping on the sand nearby. Monty stood up shaking the sand from his fur and trotted over to his owner.

"No one said anything about dirty, Deeks," Kensi stepped out of his embrace.

Looking seriously at her, Deeks asked, "So what exactly was your plan for tonight? Like what did you expect to happen?"

"Honestly," Kensi held tight to his hand as she looked over at him, "I came with the intention of setting you free and making you understand that you could and should pursue another woman. I planned on letting you go and it killed me to imagine. Basically, I came to say good-bye in a sense."

Looking thoughtfully out at the crashing waves, Deeks answered, "I much prefer hellos." Deeks tugged Kensi against his side and slung his arm around her shoulder.

"Me too," Kensi reached across him with her left hand and trailed her fingers down his jaw turning his head toward her. She kissed him and whispered, "Hello, Marty."


End file.
